Sex Does Not Equal Self-Worth

Sex Does Not Equal Self-Worth

For years, I believed my worth was something I had to earn—especially through being wanted. The validation was intoxicating, but also fleeting. It left me chasing highs that weren’t real, stepping into situations that weren’t safe, and wondering why I still felt empty.

The truth was, I just didn’t know how to feel worthy on my own. No one had taught me that self-worth isn’t something you prove—it’s something you build. And for a long time, I mistook being desired for being valued.

I know I’m not alone in this. So many young women are raised in a world that ties their value to their desirability. We grow up absorbing messages—both spoken and unspoken—that teach us our beauty, our sexuality, and our ability to attract others determine our worth. And when you don’t feel secure in yourself, that attention can feel like the closest thing to love.

But here’s what I wish I knew: Sex and love are not the same. Attention is not respect. Desire is not devotion.

At the time, I didn’t have the tools to recognize this. I just knew that being wanted made me feel powerful, even if it was temporary. It filled a gap—one I didn’t realize I could fill myself. The problem was, those moments of validation always came with a cost. I often found myself in situations that felt physically or emotionally unsafe. I let my boundaries slide because I thought saying no meant losing the connection. I learned the hard way that when you rely on external validation, you give other people control over your self-worth.

So, if no one has told you yet: You are already worthy. You don’t have to prove it through your body, your choices, or your ability to attract someone else. You are whole as you are.

The path to true self-worth isn’t about being wanted—it’s about learning to want yourself. To hold yourself as you are, and choosing kindness. Learning to treat yourself with the love, care, and respect you seek from others.

If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be this: You don’t have to give yourself away to be loved.

And if you’re struggling with this now, I hope you know—you are not alone. I see you. I’ve been there. And you deserve so much more than momentary validation. You deserve real love, starting with your own.

What’s something you wish you had known about self-worth when you were younger? Let’s talk in the comments.